Happy 3rd birthday, Faithy!

This morning I woke up and the first thought that came into my mind was how thankful I am for you and that Jesus is taking care of you. On days like today it's as if God is looking at me, and then I look at Him and we both smile. I can't wait to be with you both in Heaven. Happy birthday, Faithy! Mommy loves you <3

"Baby Mine"

"Go with Jesus"

I consider myself incredibly blessed that my daughter's last moments on earth were spent in my arms. No one but God was there with us. My parents were outside in the garden; I was sitting on my bed with Faith in my arms. We had spent most of the day snuggled underneath her pink blanket. I held her close and kept her warm. I allowed myself to drift asleep but each time I woke up, I kissed her cheek and told her that I loved her. I knew she was suffering and I prayed that day that God would intervene. I prayed for a miracle --any kind of a miracle. That afternoon, while Faith was cradled in my arms, God took her Home. She opened her eyes, looked up at her Mommy, and never breathed again. I looked at my beloved child and through tears and sobs I said to her, "Go with Jesus."

If there is one last thing I could say to you (to anyone who is reading this right now), it would be those very same words: "Go with Jesus." He loves you more than anyone else could. He is trustworthy. He wasn't lying when he said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life: no one comes to the Father except through Me." There is no other way but the Christ. You cannot enter into life through any other door. You can try to carve your own door with religion and good deeds but you will ultimately fail. You absolutely need Jesus to save you from sin, death, and the hell that you and I both deserve. Believe in Jesus --trust in Jesus --call upon the name of Jesus --"Go with Jesus," and live.

Two years goes by so fast, yet it seems like such a long time.

"O joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be."

Birthdays

Yesterday marked two years since the day my sweet little Faithy was born. I spent the day with my friend Jennifer and her family as we celebrated Alexander's 3rd birthday. Faith's birthday was not forgotten and I did receive some cards, flowers, and a little birthday cake. I had a wonderful time playing with Kassidy Faith (Alexander's baby sister) and catching up with everyone who was there.

The tulip story

One year ago, the day after Faith had gone to Heaven (a Sunday much like this one), a close friend of mine called me to ask if she could pick up some flowers for Faith's funeral. "What kind?" she asked. I answered without hesitation. "Tulips," I said. "Pink and white tulips." When my mother overheard this, she asked me why I didn't just pick the pink and white tulips from our garden. "We have pink and white tulips?" I asked. "Yes," my mother said and told me to go look out their bedroom window. Sure enough, in the corner of our backyard was a little garden of pink and white tulips in full bloom. My parents explained that the tulips were a gift from my grandparents, were planted in the fall and bloom for only a short time. I knew in that moment that this was no coincidence. God had planned it all along. "My parents gave them to me, I'm giving them to you, and tomorrow you can give them to Faith," said my father.

One year later, this same little garden has yielded beautiful pink and white tulips in memory of our dear sweet Faith. It is hard to believe that a year has passed since Faith went to Heaven. No amount of time can heal my wounds, but God's grace is sufficient for me. Thank you, Lord, for these little reminders of your love.

Funny photoshoot

One year ago my little girl turned six days old. These pictures were taken in a funny little photoshoot that took place while Faith and I were supposed to be taking a nap. (Shhhh... don't tell Gammy!)

One year ago

On this day last year I was 40 weeks pregnant with Faith. February 6 was my due date and it is also my Grandpa's birthday. Happy birthday, Grandpa! In thirteen days we'll be celebrating that beautiful day when Faith was born one year ago.

Happy 11-month birthday, Faithy!

2 months old

Our Christmas wreath

Complete with little pink pom-pom hats

Happy 10-month birthday, sweetie <3

*Kissies*

Mommy's feisty little girl (2 days old)

Happy 9-month birthday, Faithy!

I sure do miss that cute little face! <3

Me and my "mini me"

I miss my baby so much... It's hard to believe that it's been less than six months since the Lord called Faithy home. It seems like it's been so, so long since I last held her. It is hard, but I am so thankful for the 53 weeks that she spent here on earth. That's right, 53 weeks: 40 weeks in my belly and 13 in my arms. One year and seven days. What a blessing! It went by so fast --too fast. God knows I would do it all over again if I could.

Some people tell me that I'm strong, but if they knew the truth, they would know that I have all the strength of a baby bird with one broken wing. I am not strong, but my God is strong. His love is strong. He gives me the peace and joy to carry on. And He comforts me with these words:

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him."

Happy 8-month birthday, Faithy...

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. (Psalm 23:6)


Faith and her soukie

Happy 7-month birthday

Seven months ago at 12:26pm my little sweetie was born!
Happy 7-month birthday, Faithy :) If I could do it all over again,
I would.

Another beautiful portrait

Pencil sketch by Bethany Kerr (4 days old)

Untitled poem

Six months and fourteen days ago, you left your mommy's womb.

Though you were 13 days past-due, mommy felt it was too soon!

But mommy had no choice, so she prayed that you would stay.

God gave mommy faith and hope and drove her fears away.

The doctors said there was no hope and nothing they could do.

All I wanted was just one day that I could spend with you.

On the nineteenth day of February, you cried your first cry.

You smiled your first smile... you sighed your first sigh.

You were the cutest, sweetest baby that anyone had seen
And your mommy was the happiest that she had ever been!

They said it was impossible for you to live and thrive --

For weeks and weeks they wondered how you were still alive.

With God all things are possible; mommy knew it all along.

Science boasted knowledge but God proved science wrong.

I know that you're in Heaven now. There is no better place.

Someday I'll be there with you, by God's amazing grace.

Sweetest little voice...

Lunchtime feeding (3 days old)

Happy 6-month birthday, sweetie sweets!

Six months ago today my baby girl was born. Three months ago we got to celebrate Faith's 3-month birthday with her. God blessed us with so much time with her and yet it's never enough. I miss my favourite girl everyday. Wishing my sweetie a happy 6-month birthday with Jesus :o)

Sleeping comfortably on Mommy (1 day old)

My dream come true

February 8, 2009

"The carseat that I hope I can take Faith home in."

February 21, 2009

Bringing her home.

Waking up from a nap

6 days old

1-day-old Faith

I'm so rumbly in my tumbly, time for something sweet...

Carrying to term

If your unborn baby has been diagnosed with anencephaly and you are in the process of deciding whether or not to carry your baby to term, you have come to the right place (and I have no doubt that God has led you here). Neither road is easy when you are told that your baby is not going to live, but (trust me...) carrying to term is the only one road worth taking. You have nothing to lose by seeing your baby's life through, and believe me, there is so much to gain that you can't even imagine at this point. You will never regret carrying your baby to term, no matter how much time you are blessed with. Even if it is only for a minute (or less than that), it will be worth it. The time you spend with your baby will prove to be priceless --time that you wouldn't trade for anything.

For support on carrying to term, please follow this link to the "anencephaly blessings from above" online support group:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/anencephalyblessingsfromabove/

Happy 5-month birthday, Faithy!

It's hard to believe that only two months ago we were celebrating Faith's 3-month birthday with her. At that time she was learning to suck on a bottle and seemed to be doing so well. We had no idea that we would lose her four days later. Today Faith would have turned five months old. I'm missing her all the time... wish I could see what she's doing right now. Happy 5-month birthday, sweetie xox

Missing my girl...

1 day old

In Loving Memory

A slide-show tribute

It's the 19th again

I just realized that we would have been celebrating Faith's 4-month birthday today. We probably would have watched our Winnie the Poo movie (I would have sang all the songs of course). I was actually thinking about watching that movie today, hmm maybe that's why I thought of it.

Pencil sketch

I got a gift today... a beautiful pencil sketch of Faith that looks exactly like her picture, only without the tube feed and with angel wings :) I could cry looking at it, it is just so beautiful. Looks like her in every way. A woman named Bethany made this for me and sent it all the way from Alabama. I can't believe it made it all that way without a scratch! I'll take a picture of it tomorrow so you can see :)

Prayers for mommies and babies

I've created a new blog where I will be posting my friends' prayer requests and praise reports. This new blog is devoted entirely to mommies and babies who need prayer, especially the moms who are carrying babies with anencephaly to term. Please visit http://www.prayers-for-mommies-and-babies.blogspot.com/ to find out how you can pray for these women and their families.

I thought I'd post a few more home videos of Faith today... so comforting to look back on those memories.


First kiss from mommy (just born)


Grampa taking a video (evening of her birthday)


She used to pull her own arm out of her sleeve for me. Grammy and I were trying to catch it on video. (3 weeks, 2 days old)

Four days old... big smile :)

So, I think this might be "the" photo. I have been trying to decide on a photo to include in my thank-you cards, and I think this may be it :) I still have some photos to sort through, but I really like this one. It was taken when she was 4 days old. That was a really good day! Faith was just full of big smiles that day... from ear to ear. Looking back, I would say that was one of the happiest days of my life.

It's hard to believe that Faith left us just 6 days ago... we miss her so much. 

My little sweetie <3

Looks just like her mama... ready to go outside

Time for some milk (8 days old)

Newborn Faith

The first few days after Faith was born were the happiest of my life. She was so talkative at that age! When she ate it was by mouth, and she tasted mommy's sweet milk. She always had a red face and a big gummy smile whenever she got feisty. She squeeled when I kissed her and cried when she needed to be fed or changed. She didn't need any medecine or a feeding tube. I find a lot of comfort in watching these videos :)


Mommy and Faith (3 days old)


"Wali" (3 days old)


My hungy baby (3 days old)


Very hungry baby... (5 days old)


Having some lunch (5 days old)

Memories

Mommy and feisty Faith

We spent the night holding Faith and reliving some of the wonderful memories captured of her on video. I will never get over her cuteness... her sweet little voice and all her little facial expressions, her feisty personality, the way she hummed to herself when sucking on her soukie... the way she looked like a baby bird whenever she would suck in her bottom lip, the little dip between her bottom lip and her chin, the way she would route around and suck on mommy's nose, her big exaggerated sneezes, all her smiles and grins... I am convinced that she was the most adorable little girl there ever was. I just keep watching the "Kisses" video over and over again. It never gets old. I will be posting many more photos and videos of Faith in the coming days and weeks... I'm sure it will be a huge comfort for me. I am so grateful for all the time I had with Faith and for all the photos and videos and for the memories we shared. And I can't wait to see her again... I don't know how she could get any cuter but I'm sure she is even more beautiful now that she is living it up in Heaven.

The best 93 days of my life...

were spent with my daughter. Faith went to Heaven today. We spent most of the day snuggling together in my warm bed. She was starting to go a little cold, but mommy kept her warm. I told her that I loved her many times. I was holding her in my arms when she passed away. It was around 4:40 in the afternoon. That was several hours ago now, but she still looks so beautiful. She is looking like a little porcelain doll. Her tube feed is gone. Her lips are still pink and her facial expression looks so happy and peaceful. God is good.

Thank you all for your prayers.

13 weeks, 2 days old

Asking for your prayers today. Faith is suffering from stomach bloating and bleeding ulcers, most likely the combined result of irritation from the feeding tube and prolonged use of one of her medications. We have taken her to the emergency room once, but we have decided not to take extreme measures to treat her (ie. surgery). I am trying to let her stomach rest as much as possible and giving her acid blockers. I am doing my best to keep her comfortable and diligently praying that God will intervene. Faith is wrapped up snuggly in her blanky and has been opening her eyes and blinking --not something that we see very often. I hope you'll keep us in prayer today. Thanks for checking in; I'll update you soon.

Happy 3-month birthday, Faith! :D

Faith turned 3 months old today and I couldn't be happier! She is doing very well these days. I'm just letting her tummy settle right now (she just ate) and then I think we might go for a little stroll outside. It's a gorgeous day out today but it's been rainy the past couple days and we've been cooped-up inside.

That's all for now! I may post a few new videos later if I have time. Thanks for checking in :)

12 weeks & 2 days old

Faith's Lullaby

(written by Mommy)

Faith, you are my baby girl

Most beautiful one in the world

You came into my life one day

And now I'll never be the same

Ten fingers and ten tiny toes

Rosebud lips, a button nose

You came into the world that day

And never will it be the same

12 weeks old!!! :)

Faith is 12 weeks old today. In 5 days she'll be 3 months old! :) My little girl is doing so well... she's been full of energy these past couple days and I started puting her to the breast again. I don't have much of a milk supply right now, but we are doing some practice nursing and she's been doing quite well! She's getting stronger everyday. Faith truly is a miracle and it's amazing how many miracles we've been blessed with in these past 12 weeks. She's bounced back so many times, and all thanks to God and those of you who have lifted up your prayers in Jesus' name. Just think... Faith was given a 0% chance of survival. Not even a 1% chance of survival --zero. They say her condition is "incompatible with life." I was told she would only live a few minutes or hours... a couple of days at best. But just look at her --almost 3 months old and still going strong. I can only thank God for that. Never forget, with God ALL things are possible.

11 weeks & 5 days old

Busy feet today!

11 weeks & 4 days old

The "baby bird" face

Very content in her stroller :)

Happy Mother's Day!

11 weeks old :)

10 weeks & 6 days old

Well, we didn't get out for a stroll today, but rainy days are nice once and a while. The rain can be kind of peaceful. Faithy is looking and feeling good :) And a mother knows when her baby is feeling good or bad, isn't that right, moms? I find I can pick up on the most subtle cues about what Faith needs or how she is feeling. We had to take a little trip to the ER last night to get a brand new tube feed, since they are only good for a month (ok, I'll come clean... I accidentally snipped her tube with the scissors last night when I was cutting her old bandage off lol). We met a young doctor there who was really nice. It really shows when a doctor has genuine compassion for his patients. And of course, the nurses were great too --as usual! A shout out to my peeps in the ER ;) Hehe...

10 weeks & 3 days old

Faith's new sweater... sooo cute lol (handmade by her great aunt Debbie)

Faith is finally starting to feel better after a few days of withdrawals from an attempt to lower her Prednisolone. I guess this ween is going to take longer than we thought! But the main thing is that she is comfortable. Check out the cute sweater my aunt made for Faith :) I like the pointy hood hehe... hope everyone is having a good weekend. Thanks for checking in!

10 weeks old!!!

Cutest little voice :)

9 weeks & 5 days old

Tickly feet!

9 weeks & 4 days old... more photos

First stroll :)

Last night we took our first stroll ever :) It was such a beautiful evening. Plus sixteen degrees, sunny, no wind. The perfect weather... I snapped a few photos of course. I am loving this Winnie the Poo travel system! It's like a cozy little bed on wheels. I've been rolling her around the house in it too lol... she loves it.

Oh, and I have a prayer request for you... there is a woman named Lisa who I recently met, and she found out about 5 weeks ago that her baby is special like Faith. It's a scary and emotional time when you're pregnant with a baby who doctors say has "no chance" of surviving (even though we know that's not true!), so please send up your prayers for her and her baby as you have for me and Faith. She doesn't know if she's having a boy or a girl yet, but I'm sure she will be finding that out soon. I know I should be posting more prayer requests here... other people coming to my mind right now are Holly (the mother of baby Carleigh) and little baby Benjamin, who is on his way. If you could keep those people in prayer that would be great!

And as always, thank you for your continuous prayers for Faith and I :)