I miss my baby so much... It's hard to believe that it's been less than six months since the Lord called Faithy home. It seems like it's been so, so long since I last held her. It is hard, but I am so thankful for the 53 weeks that she spent here on earth. That's right, 53 weeks: 40 weeks in my belly and 13 in my arms. One year and seven days. What a blessing! It went by so fast --too fast. God knows I would do it all over again if I could.
Some people tell me that I'm strong, but if they knew the truth, they would know that I have all the strength of a baby bird with one broken wing. I am not strong, but my God is strong. His love is strong. He gives me the peace and joy to carry on. And He comforts me with these words:
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him."
My name is Myah and this is the story of my baby girl and our journey with anencephaly.
At my 19-week ultrasound, I was told that something was wrong with my baby's head. The doctor said that my baby had no brain. I'm sure most people wouldn't have even considered her to be alive. I was told that I could safely continue my pregnancy and allow her to die naturally, or I could induce labour and terminate the pregnancy. I chose to carry my baby to term for one simple reason: love. In my eyes there was no decision to be made. I had nothing but love and high hopes for her, and I named her Faith Hope. I cherished every moment of the pregnancy, and for five months we hoped and prayed. Then to everyone's surprise, we were blessed with 3 months and 4 days with Faith before she went to Heaven. She was the sweetest little girl... so beautiful and so full of life. I feel so blessed to be her mother.
I created this blog 10 weeks before my daughter was born. The posts here are very personal, emotional, brutally honest, and at times ungraceful. It's not easy for me to share so much of our life with the world. But it is my hope that by sharing our story, God will be glorified for all He has done for us. I also hope that this blog will reach other moms out there who are facing the same prenatal diagnosis that I did.
Our doctors firmly believed that Faith would never achieve consciousness and would likely not survive for more than a few seconds or minutes after birth. They didn't understand how she was thriving for all those weeks: how she was smiling, cooing, crying, drinking milk, breathing on her own, resisting infection, and responding to her surroundings. It is possible --all things are possible with God.