Happy 3rd birthday, Faithy!

This morning I woke up and the first thought that came into my mind was how thankful I am for you and that Jesus is taking care of you. On days like today it's as if God is looking at me, and then I look at Him and we both smile. I can't wait to be with you both in Heaven. Happy birthday, Faithy! Mommy loves you <3

"Baby Mine"

"Go with Jesus"

I consider myself incredibly blessed that my daughter's last moments on earth were spent in my arms. No one but God was there with us. My parents were outside in the garden; I was sitting on my bed with Faith in my arms. We had spent most of the day snuggled underneath her pink blanket. I held her close and kept her warm. I allowed myself to drift asleep but each time I woke up, I kissed her cheek and told her that I loved her. I knew she was suffering and I prayed that day that God would intervene. I prayed for a miracle --any kind of a miracle. That afternoon, while Faith was cradled in my arms, God took her Home. She opened her eyes, looked up at her Mommy, and never breathed again. I looked at my beloved child and through tears and sobs I said to her, "Go with Jesus."

If there is one last thing I could say to you (to anyone who is reading this right now), it would be those very same words: "Go with Jesus." He loves you more than anyone else could. He is trustworthy. He wasn't lying when he said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life: no one comes to the Father except through Me." There is no other way but the Christ. You cannot enter into life through any other door. You can try to carve your own door with religion and good deeds but you will ultimately fail. You absolutely need Jesus to save you from sin, death, and the hell that you and I both deserve. Believe in Jesus --trust in Jesus --call upon the name of Jesus --"Go with Jesus," and live.

Two years goes by so fast, yet it seems like such a long time.

"O joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be."

Birthdays

Yesterday marked two years since the day my sweet little Faithy was born. I spent the day with my friend Jennifer and her family as we celebrated Alexander's 3rd birthday. Faith's birthday was not forgotten and I did receive some cards, flowers, and a little birthday cake. I had a wonderful time playing with Kassidy Faith (Alexander's baby sister) and catching up with everyone who was there.

The tulip story

One year ago, the day after Faith had gone to Heaven (a Sunday much like this one), a close friend of mine called me to ask if she could pick up some flowers for Faith's funeral. "What kind?" she asked. I answered without hesitation. "Tulips," I said. "Pink and white tulips." When my mother overheard this, she asked me why I didn't just pick the pink and white tulips from our garden. "We have pink and white tulips?" I asked. "Yes," my mother said and told me to go look out their bedroom window. Sure enough, in the corner of our backyard was a little garden of pink and white tulips in full bloom. My parents explained that the tulips were a gift from my grandparents, were planted in the fall and bloom for only a short time. I knew in that moment that this was no coincidence. God had planned it all along. "My parents gave them to me, I'm giving them to you, and tomorrow you can give them to Faith," said my father.

One year later, this same little garden has yielded beautiful pink and white tulips in memory of our dear sweet Faith. It is hard to believe that a year has passed since Faith went to Heaven. No amount of time can heal my wounds, but God's grace is sufficient for me. Thank you, Lord, for these little reminders of your love.

Funny photoshoot

One year ago my little girl turned six days old. These pictures were taken in a funny little photoshoot that took place while Faith and I were supposed to be taking a nap. (Shhhh... don't tell Gammy!)

One year ago

On this day last year I was 40 weeks pregnant with Faith. February 6 was my due date and it is also my Grandpa's birthday. Happy birthday, Grandpa! In thirteen days we'll be celebrating that beautiful day when Faith was born one year ago.

Happy 11-month birthday, Faithy!

2 months old

Our Christmas wreath

Complete with little pink pom-pom hats

Happy 10-month birthday, sweetie <3

*Kissies*

Mommy's feisty little girl (2 days old)

Happy 9-month birthday, Faithy!

I sure do miss that cute little face! <3

Me and my "mini me"

I miss my baby so much... It's hard to believe that it's been less than six months since the Lord called Faithy home. It seems like it's been so, so long since I last held her. It is hard, but I am so thankful for the 53 weeks that she spent here on earth. That's right, 53 weeks: 40 weeks in my belly and 13 in my arms. One year and seven days. What a blessing! It went by so fast --too fast. God knows I would do it all over again if I could.

Some people tell me that I'm strong, but if they knew the truth, they would know that I have all the strength of a baby bird with one broken wing. I am not strong, but my God is strong. His love is strong. He gives me the peace and joy to carry on. And He comforts me with these words:

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him."

Happy 8-month birthday, Faithy...

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. (Psalm 23:6)


Faith and her soukie

Happy 7-month birthday

Seven months ago at 12:26pm my little sweetie was born!
Happy 7-month birthday, Faithy :) If I could do it all over again,
I would.

Another beautiful portrait

Pencil sketch by Bethany Kerr (4 days old)

Untitled poem

Six months and fourteen days ago, you left your mommy's womb.

Though you were 13 days past-due, mommy felt it was too soon!

But mommy had no choice, so she prayed that you would stay.

God gave mommy faith and hope and drove her fears away.

The doctors said there was no hope and nothing they could do.

All I wanted was just one day that I could spend with you.

On the nineteenth day of February, you cried your first cry.

You smiled your first smile... you sighed your first sigh.

You were the cutest, sweetest baby that anyone had seen
And your mommy was the happiest that she had ever been!

They said it was impossible for you to live and thrive --

For weeks and weeks they wondered how you were still alive.

With God all things are possible; mommy knew it all along.

Science boasted knowledge but God proved science wrong.

I know that you're in Heaven now. There is no better place.

Someday I'll be there with you, by God's amazing grace.