I am little relieved that the Christmas season is finally over (anyone carrying grief understands), but I know this also means I'm getting very close to my due date. Five weeks left... It scares me that it's already 2009, even if it is just the first day. Can't I just go back to September 11 and stay there?? That one day that I was finally at peace with everything going on in my life and looking forward to the day my child would be born? I want to go back there so badly... I didn't know how good my life was back then, before the word "anencephaly" entered my vocabulary. I would complain over the smallest things. Now when I see a woman with a healthy child complaining over something small, I feel like slapping her for being so ungrateful. Whenever I see a pregnant woman complaining instead of being happy like she should, I feel like saying, "I feel so sorry for you. My baby is terminally ill, you wanna trade places?" Sigh... but then again, if they were happy I'd probably resent them for that too.
The only people I seem to really relate to nowadays are other moms of anen babies. I can't even relate to moms who have lost children in miscarriage. I know the loss is the same, but the journey is so different. It's not a sudden, unexpected loss. With anencephaly, you're given five months notice. Five months to think about it and pray that God will do something --anything. Can you imagine? It's the worst feeling in the world counting down the weeks before you have to say goodbye to your baby. I can't even describe how that feels. When I was a little girl, I had this reoccuring dream that I was going to die and my mother was preparing me for my journey to Heaven. I didn't want to leave her but she seemed so accepting of it. I was crying but she wasn't. That horrible feeling I felt in those dreams is so much like the way I feel when I'm faced with Faith's passing. I try not to think about it.
I'm sorry this has been so depressing... I really hope I can cheer up soon and not spend the next five weeks wallowing in misery. I know Faith's birth will be a peaceful and joyful day. It just has to be.
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Welcome
My name is Myah and this is the story of my baby girl and our journey with anencephaly.
At my 19-week ultrasound, I was told that something was wrong with my baby's head. The doctor said that my baby had no brain. I'm sure most people wouldn't have even considered her to be alive. I was told that I could safely continue my pregnancy and allow her to die naturally, or I could induce labour and terminate the pregnancy. I chose to carry my baby to term for one simple reason: love. In my eyes there was no decision to be made. I had nothing but love and high hopes for her, and I named her Faith Hope. I cherished every moment of the pregnancy, and for five months we hoped and prayed. Then to everyone's surprise, we were blessed with 3 months and 4 days with Faith before she went to Heaven. She was the sweetest little girl... so beautiful and so full of life. I feel so blessed to be her mother.
I created this blog 10 weeks before my daughter was born. The posts here are very personal, emotional, brutally honest, and at times ungraceful. It's not easy for me to share so much of our life with the world. But it is my hope that by sharing our story, God will be glorified for all He has done for us. I also hope that this blog will reach other moms out there who are facing the same prenatal diagnosis that I did.
Our doctors firmly believed that Faith would never achieve consciousness and would likely not survive for more than a few seconds or minutes after birth. They didn't understand how she was thriving for all those weeks: how she was smiling, cooing, crying, drinking milk, breathing on her own, resisting infection, and responding to her surroundings. It is possible --all things are possible with God.
This is our story, to God be the glory.
At my 19-week ultrasound, I was told that something was wrong with my baby's head. The doctor said that my baby had no brain. I'm sure most people wouldn't have even considered her to be alive. I was told that I could safely continue my pregnancy and allow her to die naturally, or I could induce labour and terminate the pregnancy. I chose to carry my baby to term for one simple reason: love. In my eyes there was no decision to be made. I had nothing but love and high hopes for her, and I named her Faith Hope. I cherished every moment of the pregnancy, and for five months we hoped and prayed. Then to everyone's surprise, we were blessed with 3 months and 4 days with Faith before she went to Heaven. She was the sweetest little girl... so beautiful and so full of life. I feel so blessed to be her mother.
I created this blog 10 weeks before my daughter was born. The posts here are very personal, emotional, brutally honest, and at times ungraceful. It's not easy for me to share so much of our life with the world. But it is my hope that by sharing our story, God will be glorified for all He has done for us. I also hope that this blog will reach other moms out there who are facing the same prenatal diagnosis that I did.
Our doctors firmly believed that Faith would never achieve consciousness and would likely not survive for more than a few seconds or minutes after birth. They didn't understand how she was thriving for all those weeks: how she was smiling, cooing, crying, drinking milk, breathing on her own, resisting infection, and responding to her surroundings. It is possible --all things are possible with God.
This is our story, to God be the glory.
About Me
- Myah
- a friend, sister, daughter, child of God, and mommy to a little princess in Heaven <3
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2009
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January
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- Feeling anxious
- I can't look at this without laughing...
- Profile #2
- Spying is creepy...
- Change of plans
- Week 39
- 38 weeks already
- Our profile went well!
- Hiccups
- Almost full-term
- The 'big' meeting
- 35 weeks, 5 days
- One month from today
- Our prayer shower
- The little prayer hat
- The first day of the new year
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January
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"With God all things are possible." -Jesus